Lullaby
Lu lu lu lu, Hushaby
Think of the angels way up high
Lu lu lu lu, don’t you cry
Daddy won't go away
As beads of sweat roll down my face
I listen closely to the closed white door
With my ear pressed ever so slightly to the bottom where the
light seems to escape
Dark surrounds me
“I don't know what to do with her,” I hear her whisper
The smell of detergent wafts through my nose
My feet are shivering on the cold stoned floor
I hear a swirl
My heart jumps a little
The door opens
Light pours over me
I am stuck in place
Glued to the floor
“Hi baby,
Come here” he says
“She'll be ok”
He scoops me up
Holding me tight to his chest as if I would run away
“Will she?” I ask in a whisper
He looks at me with the sun’s warmth in his eyes
Swaying side to side as if entranced in a spell
Lu lu lu lu Hushaby
Think of the angels way up high
This is an intriguing poem and a good start for you in the class. I like the musical use of refrain (repeating the "lullaby"), and I can feel you working with sensuous descriptive imagery that appeals to the senses.
ReplyDeleteI want to use this poem for discussion, and I assume it's OK, since you didn't mention otherwise. There are some intriguing things here that would take too long to write about and I would rather discuss. For example, the way you leave off the last two lines of the lullaby refrain at the end end has sad implications--that he will go away some time or already did. Interesting. I wonder if the class will get the same implications I did.
There is also some intriguing tension in the poem. Stanzas two and three are more menacing and emotionally fraught. There is a lot to talk about. Looking forward to it. More comments coming soon in class.
I really like how you use the lullaby to add depth, meaning and music to your poem. One issue I had while reading it, was that I was confused as to who is speaking. I at first thought that the speaker was the one singing the lullaby, but then I realized that the speaker is the child listening to the lullaby. I think that this could be clarified by italicizing the lullaby or putting it in quotation marks to differentiate the speaker from the one singing the lullaby.
ReplyDeleteI think this poem has a nice sound to it and employs the lyrical qualities of poetry we learned about. It uses vivid verbs like sway, entrance, and scoop. It also uses repetition well specifically the first and last stanzas. -Rivka Hia
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed the opening of the poem and how (as mentioned in class) you used the musical aspect of a lullaby in your poem. Also it really makes the reader feel like they are in the scene hearing someone sing the lullaby out loud. I actually enjoyed the mysterious and thought provoking nature of the body of the poem, I also tend to write like that. The ending to me was also great because it corresponded to the first stanza.
ReplyDeleteI really like the rhythm of this poem and that feeling of being alone at night-i can really picture myself in about fifth grade in my bed listening to my parents downstairs. The only thing I am confused about is how the girl is standing on her own feet and is sensing all of these things around her (the smells, the light pouring over her) but then the father picks her up and says "hi baby"-maybe he is just calling her baby affectionately, but I'd definitely say I'm confused as to whether this is a baby, a toddler or even a young teen.
ReplyDeleteThis poem really drew me in as a reader. I think the lullaby, meant to be comforting to a child, successfully creates a haunting tone at the beginning and the end. I loved the debate in class about who "she'll be ok" is referring to in the poem- the child or the mother/step-mother; it leaves room for interpretation and mystery. In addition, I thought the way you depicted the way you depicted the relationship between the father and the daughter was really unique. When the father isn't with the speaker, "light seems to escape" and "dark surrounds me." When he comes into her room, "light pours over me." While there is literal light disappearing and enveloping the speaker, I think it also serves a symbolic purpose. In addition, the speaker sees the "sun's warmth in his eyes." I think you did a great job in establishing the father as the light in the speaker's life symbolically -Abigail Adler
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed the suspense and uncertainty that you created in the poem without outwardly saying it. I also liked the fourth stanza which is suddenly shorter phrases and different than the rest-it creates a stark contrast.
ReplyDeleteI like how well you portrayed the point of view from a child's perspective. There is a simple innocent quality in this poem because of it.
ReplyDeleteThis poem captures well a memory full of emotions and gives the reader a lot of room to interpret it which I find more interesting to read.
I enjoyed reading a poem that was written from the perspective of a child! Also, the tension was evident throughout the entire poem; you did a great job of describing the tension! While there were some lines that may be able to be tweaked to "show" a little more, the poem was very clear!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed this poem. I liked the way you described the way the husband held her, you really felt the connection. I also think the poem had a nice flow to it, especially in the beginning. The beginning of the poem got me hooked to continue reading.
ReplyDelete