Bippity Boppity Boo!
Another grey streak sneaking its way into my hair that is as
dark as night
It cannot hide
It is like a shooting star through a black sky
But this time it is the opposite of a dream come true
Even more
My fair skin is showing creases
Like the tangle of sheets and blankets on my unmade bed
Like the tangle of sheets and blankets on my unmade bed
What is becoming of me?
True I have let myself go
A few pounds here and there
Fine
I look like a pumpkin
Actually
Make that three
Now won’t this be a funny sight
Me
Making my grand entrance
In a cloud of glitter and flash!
Ha!
Bippity boppity boo
What a fright I will be!
I hope my knee doesn’t go out…
I love the descriptions you use for such simple things such as gray hairs or wrinkles. You make it so clear in the reader's mind. Especially "a shooting star through a black sky." I love it! One criticism I have is I do think that you could have added a little more at the end. The bottom seems to be less descriptive and "full" than the beginning of the poem. Other than that ,I really enjoyed reading this .Great job!
ReplyDeleteI like how this poem looks at a topic with a humorous but grave tone. It almost felt a bit Halloween like with the hair and the pumpkin and glitter. The author did a great job of showing rather than telling. The last line is funny but I don't know if it should be the last line.
ReplyDeleteI thought this poem was humorous! I thought it was a great analogy of what a person might go through when they are having a “midlife crisis.” I liked how you connected the feeling like a pumpkin with “Bippity Boppity Boo” from Cinderella! Very clever! I think you did a good job of “showing not telling” through most of the poem, but I think that it could have been more descriptive towards the end. In addition, I loved the one line stanza of “Ha!” showing that the speaker is kind of making fun of herself and in turn giving the readers permission to laugh too. Very creative!
ReplyDeleteI loved the humorous spin on the magical disney princess scene! That last line actually made me laugh out loud :)
ReplyDeleteThe imagery was well portrayed, giving it that hint of ex-princess, ex-graceful tone. My only critic is wanting it to be longer. Though the poem gets what it needs to get across in this short space, I just wanted to hear more :)
Great job!
The playful tone of the speaker regarding her "magical" midlife crisis is really amusing. I think it's so creative that rather than turning into a beautiful fairy-tale princess, the speaker is going in quite the opposite direction. I enjoyed how the fairy-tale theme was carried out strongly throughout the entire poem; for example, when she compares herself to a pumpkin or makes her grand entrance at the ball, it made me think of Cinderella.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I would change are the one-word sentences in some of the stanzas; I don't think they help the poem move forward in the short space. I also think the end of the poem should be slightly more descriptive.
This poem was super fun as a whole.
-Abigail Adler
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteThis poem provides some comic relief for the stressful topic of aging. Interesting how the cinderella theme runs through which is so characteristic of childhood. My favorite stanza was the third one where the uneven meter fits the tone of uncertainty and embarrassment perfectly. I would suggest taking out unnecessary words like "It is" in the fourth line, and Even more in the sixth line. I loved that tangential last line which seemed like a purposeful afterthought.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteI really liked this poem alot! I think it starts off so nice and fun and it stays that way throughout even though it is speaking about more serious stuff such that occur during a midlife crisis.
ReplyDeleteI loved how you played around with format of the poem and incorporated sounds!
I also loved how the fist line of the first stanza and the last line of the first stanza rhymed and I think that is something that maybe you could incorporate a little bit more in the poem because I feel like it adds to the character of the poem!
Overall awesome job! I really enjoyed it!