The Hound
Through the thick leaves of the Thyanime Forest in the heart
of Uzban stands a cave.
A cave so dark the night fears it.
A cave so cold a fire cannot spark.
A cave so damp no plants can grow.
In this cave reigns a creature known as The Hound.
Legend has it that it was once a man who fell in love with
the only daughter of the demigod Crixus.
She was as beautiful as one thousand suns.
With hair as plush like the mane of a lion.
With lips so plump as a newly blossomed peach
With eyes so blue like the sea on a summer day.
The man fell in love and wanted no other to have her. He
broke her legs and hid her so no one else can lay eyes on her. Crixus found
this out and cursed him for he hated him because he stole his only daughter.
The Hound was cursed to have boneless legs. They are just sacks of blood that straggle behind him. He brawls through the dirt, with his tattered elbows, blending in with the forest.
The Hound was cursed to have boneless legs. They are just sacks of blood that straggle behind him. He brawls through the dirt, with his tattered elbows, blending in with the forest.
This man, now creature, exists alone in his darkened cave. Beastlike,
with dark eyes wild like the hyena. Hair matted in place with years of dirt. His screams curdle the night’s cool air as
he caresses the bones of his virgin bride. You know you are close when you see the carcasses of animals from as small
as the squirrel to as big as the ape.
*Updated December 2 2015
*Updated December 2 2015
I think you did a really good job with this. It reminds me a lot of the readings. The imagery is great and the descriptions are nice and vivid. Even though its written in a more poetic style, I still feel like you did the encyclopedia job as well in terms of giving over the facts and important information about your monster. I would suggest maybe making it a drop longer by adding more detail about the monster's character/nature in addition to the detail you've already included in terms of physical appearance. Awesome job!
ReplyDeleteThe eerie tone in the poem is very effective. The repetition "a cave" at the beginning of the poem really makes readers focus in on the lair of the monster. I especially like the repetition "with" regarding the daughter of Crixus because it signifies the Hound's obsession with his daughter. "Screams curdle" and "caresses the bones of his virgin bride" really add to the creepy feel. I feel like the poem was slightly open-ended- maybe add a line or two that strongly closes the story of the Hound? Other than that, great job!
ReplyDeleteInteresting take on the monster poem. As others have noted above you make good use of some traditional poetic devices like anaphora and other forms of repetition. The poem follows the classic form of the origin story. It tells about a sin or crime committed by someone who is punished by transforming him into "The Hound." This is a classic literary form going back to the earliest uses of language by humans: the cautionary tale with a vivid moral rebuke. I really enjoyed seeing you play around with the structure of these old forms, and I think you are pretty successful. There are some missing pieces, however, as I see it: in these types of stories the punishment fits the crime. Usually, the specific form of punishment directly reflects the evil deed. So, for example, "The Hound" might have boneless legs, preventing it from really walking, or it might eat only bones of unlucky stragglers. I think if you emphasized the punishment as poetically fitting the crime, then the poem will be stronger. Second, I would like to SEE the monster a bit more. This lacks details of what the creature actually looks like. I think you could take of both of these issues at once by having its monstrous appearance reflect its terrible deed. Hope this helps! Cool poem!
ReplyDeleteI liked this! I really loved how you were able to make it sound very poetic. It was creative in the sense that it felt “creepy.” My suggestion would be to describe the hound more physically because most of the poem is describing what he does and his movements. Great Job!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading this poem. It tells a story yet it is very poetic. You did a great job of explaining the cave and you gave great detail that really showed the beauty of the girl that the monster falls in love with. I would have liked to get to know the monster more. What does he do when he is not with the girl? How goes he treat the animals you described at the end of the poem before he kills and eats them? Overall, this poem has many great things about it and it has so much potential. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi! I like the spin you put on this monster poem assignment! You definitely achieved the poetic feel through your repetition of words and sentence form. The imagery in describing the Hound's boneless legs was especially effective. One thing that I think could be improved is the line "eyes so blue like the sea on a summer day." All the other images describing the daughter are fresh and original, but this one seems to fall a little flat, and could be spiced up. Nice poem!
ReplyDeleteWow! This is so intense- is this based off of a character? The craziest moment for me (or so I thought until I continued to read) was when he got off her legs because he loved her! But then you follow up with such intense language that I could not decide which lines stood out most: "They are just sacks of blood that straggle behind him. He brawls through the dirt, with his tattered elbows, blending in with the forest." Great verbs and nouns. You managed to convey such intense description without using many adjectives. I was a little surprised by the abrupt ending. I feel like you can work on that to make it flow better. The carcasses don't seem to relate to his screaming in the night. GREAT job!!
ReplyDeleteThis was an incredible read. The word choices, while remaining in the form of prose, were poetic and musical. Your descriptions were unique but all made sense within the context. "tattered elbows" was probably my favorite description by far. I just wanted it to be a bit clearer as to who the monster is that you were describing and focus more on that. Also, make sure that the tenses are all lined up and flow well, because I caught a few places that were a little off. All in all, I just wanted to keep reading this poem over and over. Your word choices are really incredible.
ReplyDelete