Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Poem 10

     On Hold: A Pantoum

 Press one for English, Press two for Spanish.
 Born to nomads now in America
 Running from the place where we were banished
 Met with heaps of stares of hmm? What? And huh?

 Born to nomads now in America
 Want me to don traje de flamenco
 Met with heaps of stares of hmm? What? And huh?
 I dare not tell them I don’t want to go

 Want me to don traje de flamenco?
 Or do I do what others are doing?
 I dare not tell them I don’t want to go
 And be the person I am undoing

 Or do I do what others are doing
 Running from the place where we were banished         
 And be the person I am undoing
 Press one for English, press two for Spanish


6 comments:

  1. This is such a powerful message. You can feel the emotion of a child of immigrants living in America. I think you executed the Pantoum well and it flowed perfectly. My suggestion would be to stay consistent with your punctuation of the lines. Great Job!

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  2. Hi! This poem is very effective in conveying a clear theme and message of the struggles of immigration, especially with language. I really like the first paragraph, especially the line "born to nomads now in America" because it encapsulates the feeling of being an outsider in a foreign country. It was interesting how you incorporated Spanish into the poem- I would love to see more of that! I think you could definitely make the poem longer and further develop this great theme, maybe adding a reference to a specific interaction that the speaker went through. One of the lines I think could be improved is "I dare not tell them I don't want to go." It seems to be flat in comparison to the other lines, and more detail could be added to make it more interesting. Nice poem with a lot of potential!!

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  3. I really like this poem, and I think it has enough potential that it could make the class blog with revision. First, a small point, isn't it "traje de flamenca" rather than "flamenco," because of how gendered nouns with in Spanish? Small point.

    I read this as being spoken by a female Mexican immigrant. The "flamenco" line addresses stereotypes by which many Americans judge Mexican immigrants.

    I did not understand this line "Or do I do what others are doing?" I have a hard time connecting this with a specific meaning that fits with the rest of the context. Not sure at all what "others are doing" refers to.

    I want this to be a little bit longer. You might be surprised how easy it is to add to a pantoum. The form is interlocking, yes, but you can add without changing the structure as a whole, esp if you add in the middle.

    I really love this line: "Met with heaps of stares of hmm? What? And huh?" The way you deploy common language of confusion is great, and I love your choice of the word "heaps" here.

    I also love the basic idea, and I think the form works here, conveying the repetitive experience of bias and sometimes prejudice by many immigrants in the U.S.A.

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  4. I really like the sarcastic voice in this poem, especially by the first line "Press one for English, two for Spanish."
    I am curious what those words in Spanish are referring to- the Spanish celebrations in the US?
    I was also unsure about the meaning of:"And be the person I am undoing." Maybe make that clearer in the poem!

    I really like the spin of this poem because it comes from the perspective of someone who does not want to come to the rich American paradise, and already knows that life will be hard in the new land. Usually writing about such immigrants focuses on them once they have arrived.
    Good job!

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  5. Very cool poem! In a way I think of it as a political poem and your sarcastic voice adds a lot to that. I like that the speaker is not trying with every fiber of her being to come to America, I like that she is expressing a dislike of the country-to me this is a commentary that's telling Americans to stop thinking that everyone wants to be a part of their society, rather there are people who so intensely want to hold on to their history and their culture and not just get blended in in America. I may be reading way too much into this but I think thats a takeaway a message that is being communicated in this poem. I would love if it could be a few stanzas longer with some more imagery-i understand whats taking place but I would love to see a stronger picture of it. Excellent job!

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  6. i think this was an amazing and clever poem and im so happy we were able to comment on it in class. i loved how you brought in and incorporated the idea to many aspects of life all from just being placed from home. i think that it is awesome especially the line “ Met with heaps of stares of hmm? What? And huh?” and how you actually put some spanish in the poem but it wasnt too much so english speaking people could understand the idea, i would love to see more.

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